


it's mostly butterflies

by hippopotamus



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Magical Realism, Evakteket Challenge, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Pining, witch!Even
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-03-12
Packaged: 2019-03-29 23:55:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13938171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hippopotamus/pseuds/hippopotamus
Summary: “I’ve told you before,” Isak says, without looking up at Even. “The modern world relies on science and technology, Even. There’s no place for magic, it’s dangerous and unnecessary.”Little does he know, Even’s a witch.





	it's mostly butterflies

**Author's Note:**

> hello!!!! i finally did one of them challenge things!!!  
> the prompts i got were dusk/dawn, magical realism and friendship goals, and i’ve been wanting to write a witch!even fic for literally a year now!!! so here it is!!! the whole dusk dawn thing is ... barely there at all. maybe we could pretend the first prompt i got was pining instead, can we do that? but i got friendship goals in there. mikael is the friendship goals. i want him to be my friend. 
> 
> there is like a teeny tiny content warning in here, details in end notes
> 
> the amazing gigi ([sana-halla](http://sana-halla.tumblr.com)) betaed this for me and made it into a much more coherent fic so thank u thank u thank u gigi ur the reason this fic doesn’t hurt to read with all them damn run on sentences i had going. 
> 
> also huge huge huge thanks to my loves [bri](http://brionbroadway) and[isi](http://isisisak.tumblr.com) for being so lovely to me through the writing process and putting up with my requests for validation. 
> 
> also i promised i would mention bri at least six times in my beginning notes  
> bri is good  
> bri is great  
> u should all read the fic that bri posts today it is a Blessing  
> bri \\(0-0)/  
> OKAY that makes six i think idk it depends where u count it
> 
> i hope u all enjoy this!! even if it’s just like a third as much as i enjoyed writing it!!!

 

“Fuck!” Even feels the rush of anger from his chest run down his arm and turn into energy at the tips of his fingertips. The burst of flames that it creates sets the pan on fire, burning the contents and causing the room to fill with smoke that makes Even cough. “Fucking - _fuck_!”

It’s his third attempt this week to get this potion right, and still after the half hour mark, when it should have turned a pleasant pinkish red, it’s stuck as a horrible mustard yellow colour - that’s now turning to charcoal. He feels like giving up entirely - only he knows that this potion could mean the end of all his money trouble. After all, everyone wants a healing potion.

Everyone who trusts witchcraft, that is. Which, unsurprisingly, is not all that many people. But those who do are willing to pay hundreds, even just for a simple potion to cure minor injuries that he found in an old book. And Even, a broke uni student, could really use the money to pay off his debts, after he’s decided he’s not going to live off his parents anymore - he’s relied on them far too much for the past few years, and he needs to prove that he can do this whole independence thing.

Of course, he could just get a job, but he’s always too exhausted after uni. Maybe he could even do magic shows - that seems to be one of the only common uses of magic, and they pay pretty well - but he can’t do that without staying anonymous, and magic shows have a bit of a reputation for getting shut down, and the performers getting blacklisted from anywhere that recognises them.

The world does not trust magic. A force that relies on emotional energy, something that most believe is an uncontrollable energy - although Even, and most other witches, know that not to be true. Magic has no place in a society that relies on science. That’s just how it is - maybe one day Even can help to change that, but for now, he just needs the money.

He just needs to get the fucking potion to work. The book claimed that even the most inexperienced witch could complete this, with no setup required, just a few simple ingredients, a heat source, and a pot. A broke uni student could do it in their kitchen, but of course, Even can’t.

The doorbell rings as he stares at the flaming mess in the pan wondering if it will somehow hold the answers to why he’s so bad at this, and breaks him out of reverie pretty fast.

Right, Isak was meant to be coming round today.

Fuck - _Isak._

Even extinguishes the flame in the pan and shoves it into the cupboard under the sink as fast as he can, cursing himself for not remembering the concealing charm to hide the smell of burning. He spares a quick glance around the kitchen to check there’s no incriminating evidence left out, and then moves to the door when he’s satisfied.

The thing is, Isak doesn’t approve of witchcraft. He seems to have a personal vendetta against any of it, all of it. Like it’s hurt him somehow - well, maybe it has. Isak is a pretty private person, there’s plenty Even doesn’t know about him, even now, when he considers him a close friend. But with more time he spends with Isak, he feels like he’s coming closer to getting to know everything about him, and that’s what he really wants.

Because despite all his better judgment, despite all the evidence telling him it’s a bad idea for a witch to fall in love with someone who hates witches - Even is. Falling in love, that is. A process which, in his defence, started before he knew he was a witch. In fact, it was the driving force behind him discovering his magic - the rush of emotions that he felt about Isak caused his first outburst. Even just doesn’t feel right pushing Isak away when he has him to thank for this gift.

Besides, he’s still falling in love now. Even through the long rants Isak makes about witchcraft being dangerous, unscientific, a plague to society. His feelings make him foolishly believe that maybe he could change Isak’s mind about it all. Maybe if Isak could see him get the healing potion to work, he wouldn’t be so convinced that magic is pointless.

“Hi,” Isak greets him, and immediately as he walks into the room his nose wrinkles up. “Jeez, what is that?”

Even flushes in embarrassment. “I burnt some food,” he lies. “Sorry. We can study in my room - I mean the living room. We can study in the living room.”

Isak nods, squinting his eyes a little at Even, but not pushing the issue.

There are two reasons for Even not letting Isak in his room, and he doesn’t truly know the order of their importance. One reason is that he knows he left a book of magic out on his desk. The other is that, well, Isak would be in his room. Even has a vivid imagination. He wouldn’t be able to study for wishful thinking, and he really needs to pass this exam that Isak has so kindly offered his help with.

Isak leads the way, he’s been to Evens so many times now that he knows where to go. Even follows, hesitantly offering Isak a drink, before hastily adding that Isak doesn’t have to come back in the kitchen with him. Isak laughs quietly.

“Yeah, coffee would be great, thanks,” he says, then adds, “might make your kitchen smell better, too.”

Even grins.

Studying goes as normal as it usually does. Isak tries to teach Even something simple, and Even ignores it in favour of admiring Isak in all his concentration; his hunched over shoulders, his tongue poking out, the scrunched up look on his face. The way he’ll glance up occasionally and smile at Even, almost as if he realises Even hasn’t heard a word. Their eyes meet when he looks up, every time without fail, because Even never looks anywhere but Isak, and Even melts into a soft smile every time.

God, he’s so in love. He should be a little more subtle about it, but it’s not like Isak has called him out on it until now. He’s kind enough to put up with Even’s obvious crush, and Even is stupid enough to take advantage of Isak’s kindness, if it means they can spend more time together.

When the history textbook they’re working from mentions magic, Isak’s whole demeanour changes. He’d been in a good mood today, laughing at Even’s cheesy jokes (the ones he only tells for Isak) and teasing Even playfully when he makes Isak go over something he doesn’t understand, again and again.

When magic is mentioned, his face knots into a scowl, his body tenses, and when he explains the passage to Even his voice is stiff, as if he would rather be reading anything else.

“We can skip this bit, if you’d like,” Even offers, feeling very small, and slightly intimidated by Isak’s anger. “I’m sure I can study it by myself.”

Isak takes a deep breath and huffs. “No, it’s fine. It’s part of the curriculum. Just wish it wasn’t.”

Even pulls a sympathetic face. “How come you hate it so much?” he asks, wondering if he’ll get an answer that he can work with. Maybe he can change Isak’s mind.

“I’ve told you before,” Isak says, without looking up at Even. “The modern world relies on science and technology, Even. There’s no place for magic, it’s dangerous and unnecessary.”

“But-” Even doesn’t know why he’s arguing this now. Isak is frustrated enough as it is, and wearing Isak down on his view of magic hasn’t worked before now. There must be another way to change his mind, but it’s a little intimidating when it seems like he’s not just challenging Isak’s views - it’s the whole world. Without revealing himself as a witch - leaving himself open to discrimination and hatred - he doesn’t know quite how he can do it.

“Can you just drop it?” Isak says. “Why do you care so much anyway?”

Even suppresses a sigh, knowing he can’t answer that question, and gives a placating smile. “Just curious.”

Isak tenses his jaw. “Whatever. Do you want me to teach you or not?”

Even thinks for a moment.’Sorry’ doesn’t feel like the right thing to say - Even knows that Isak wants to change the subject, not dwell on it any longer. “Coffee break?” he offers instead.

Isak’s hard exterior fades a little. “Yeah, okay. Thanks.”

It’s probably for the best that he stays away from the subject of magic around Isak for a while. He’s mentioned it enough times now that Isak might start to wonder why Even is so bothered, and Even can’t have him find out the truth before he’s found a way to change his mind about it.

 

*

 

It’s Friday night, and Vilde has organised a night out to a new club, named The Alchemist, that she wants everyone to go to together. In fact, she’s completely set on the idea, and dropping subtle - well, subtle for Vilde - hints that something exciting is going to happen.  

How Eva and Vilde manage to cram 15 people into their tiny apartment for a pregame is something of a mystery to Even, but when he arrives at their place with Mikael, the last two to arrive, they are pulled inside by an excited Vilde and somehow manage to fit in.

Of course, when Mikael squashes himself between Mutta and Adam on the sofa, it’s just typical that the only Even-sized seat left is next to Isak - not that he minds, but it always seems to end up like this when they’re all together - he’s not sure who’s behind it, and to be honest, it could be any one of his friends.

Isak grins at him as he sits, and Even is powerless against returning it. He’s about to greet Isak when Vilde speaks up, offering them drinks, fussing over being a perfect host as usual.

“Hi, Isak,” he manages to say finally, after Vilde hands him a beer.

“Hey,” Isak replies. “How are you?”

Even nods. “Good. You?”

Isak simply nods in reply, then turns away to Jonas and Mahdi and Even curses himself for not being able to think up a better conversation starter to keep Isak’s attention, instead of being left to hang on the fringes of Chris and Noora’s conversation.

A minute later, though, and Isak turns back. Even tries not to seem too happy at this, but he always is happy to talk to Isak.

“Do you know anything about this club Vilde wants us to go to?” he asks. “I don’t understand why she’s so excited.”

Even shrugs. “It’s new?” he offers, and Isak rolls his eyes, fighting a smile.

“Yeah, I got that part, thanks,” he says. “But haven’t you noticed that she’s - I don’t know, she seems to think something’s going to happen.”

“Yeah, maybe she heard something about it. Ask her?”

Isak raises an eyebrow at Even as if this is a stupid idea, then says “I think she’s a bit busy to be interrupted right now, don’t you?” he nods towards the other side of the room to where Vilde is wrapped up in Eva, both of them giving off the air that to interrupt their kiss would be the crime of the century.

When Even turns back to look at Isak, it’s to find him already looking back at him, his expression indecipherable. Even can’t say what Isak is thinking at this moment, but as for himself, well, he can’t help that when he sees two people as close and as happy as Eva and Vilde, he wants that for himself. He wants that with Isak.

Neither of them speak for a moment, just looking at each other, until Even remembers why he can’t have that. Why he needs to change Isak’s mind about magic before he gets any closer. He pulls back a little, and drops his gaze, trying to laugh to brush it off, and break out of the ridiculous fantasy he was living in for a moment.

Adam chooses that moment to throw a scrunched up piece of paper at his head. At least it’s a good distraction.

“What the fuck, man?” Even says, turning to him.

Adam seems to find this the height of humour, but composes himself enough to explain. “We just remembered you owe us all drinks, bro.”

“Bullshit, you owe _me_ drinks.” It’s sort of an instinctive response, a way to avoid the question, rather than the truth. He’s been avoiding the question since he stopped getting money from his parents, telling himself that as soon as he gets the potion ready, he can pay all his friends back - only it’s taking a little longer than he’d hoped. Even is starting to see that his friends, while still forgiving as ever, are getting a little more impatient as time goes on.

“Nah, man, we don’t owe you anything,” Mutta says. “We always buy you coffees and stuff on the way to class.”

Even looks at Yousef, usually his ally in situations like these, to see if he’ll help Even out with this, but he simply shrugs. “They have a point,” he says, before turning back to Sana. Even sees his face soften into adoration as he looks at her.

Even sighs, knowing they’re right, but he has no idea how he can afford drinks for all of them tonight.

“Drinks at the club are going to be so fucking expensive, though,” Mikael speaks up a moment later, and Even smiles gratefully at how Mikael always looks out for him. “Just make Even buy you a coffee next week instead.”

“Yeah, but he said he’d do that last week,” says Adam. “And the week before.”

“I’ll have money soon,” replies Even, trying to put the apology in his voice. “I promise.”

Adam seems like he wants to say more, but Mikael speaks up first. “Just drop it guys,” he says. “Lets just have a fun night, okay?”

Later on, while they’re all walking to the club, Vilde bouncing excitedly ahead of them, Mikael turns to him.

“You could just ask your parents for help, you know? Just while you work out how to get the potion right.”

“I’m nearly there with it,” Even lies. “I’ll have it done soon.”

He can tell Mikael doesn’t believe him, but all he does is shake his head with a sigh, and turn away, while Even hangs back a bit to let Isak catch up with him.

“She really is excited, huh?” he says, gesturing to Vilde. “Have you asked her about it yet?”

“She won’t tell anyone,” Isak shrugs. “She just said to wait until we get there.”

“Weird.”

“Yeah,” Isak nods. “But I guess we’ll see.”

“I guess so.”

The club’s name is spelt out in purple neon lights, next to a neon martini glass, made to look like it holds fireworks inside it. Even can see Vilde tugging on Eva’s hand as she hurries inside, and turns to Isak to see if he notices her impatience too. To his confusion, Isak is no longer smiling, instead, he seems somewhat confused, or perhaps nervous.

“You okay?” Even asks, and Isak’s expression clears as he smiles again.

“Yeah, yeah, fine,” he says, but Even has done enough Isak-watching that he can tell when he’s lying.

He raises an eyebrow. “What’s up?”

“I’m - not sure,” Isak says. “Just feel a bit weird. Probably just drunk,” he shrugs it off and grins. “Shall we go in?”

Even nods, and lets Isak lead him inside.

They almost lose sight of Vilde immediately, since she’s moving through the crowds so fast, but one second of catching Isak’s eye later and Even knows that they’re both intending to follow her to see what’s happening.

“God, I hope we don’t see something we’ll regret,” Isak comments, as they push through the crowd, following behind Eva, who’s still being pulled along by Vilde.

Even is about to remark something witty, but as they get far enough into the crowded room to see the stage at the back, his breath is caught by the reason Vilde was so excited.

It’s a magic show. Two girls in shimmering silver dresses shoot lights from their hands, create flowers out of nothing, make fireworks go off on the ceiling without causing any damage. Even can feel Isak standing tense next to him, and glances over with a worried look.

“Should we go?” he offers, despite his own entrancement with the show.

But Isak doesn’t seem able to even move. His eyes are wide, and his hands are clenched into fists at his sides. Even  has an overwhelming urge to grab one and hold on, to calm him somehow, but he knows it would be stupid, knows it would have no effect.

The final straw, it seems, as when the girls cast their magic out into the audience, making it rain confetti from their hands, and shooting out lights above the heads of everyone present. The crowd around them erupts into cheers, and Isak trembles almost violently, breath turning to hyperventilation, and leaning on the wall next to him for support.

“Jesus,” Even exclaims. “Isak, god, are you okay?”

Isak can’t seem to form words, or even focus his eyes on Even.

“I’m taking you home,” he decides, placing a hand on Isak’s arm and guiding him to turn around. “Come on.”

Isak isn’t difficult to persuade. He follows Even without argument, and they make their way outside, somewhere it seems Isak finds it easier to breathe.

The walk back to Isak’s apartment is mercifully short, and when they sit at Isak’s kitchen table a few minutes later, Isak’s hands clasped around a cup of coffee and his breathing mostly at a normal pace, he finally speaks.

“Sorry about that,” he says, looking down at his hands. “I didn’t mean to freak out.”

Even shakes his head. “Nothing to apologise for,” he tells Isak. “Wanna talk about it?”

At first, Isak seems as though he’s about to dismiss the idea, shrug it off and tell Even he’s completely fine, but he changes his mind at the last second. “Maybe,” he says. “I don’t know if I’d know where to start.”

“That’s okay,” Even tells him. “Just - say whatever comes to mind?”

Isak sighs, and doesn’t speak for a few minutes. When he does -

“My mum was - or, is, I guess, a witch,” he says, hesitating with every word.

Everything Even had expected Isak to say, all the possibilities of why exactly his reaction had been like it was - none of them came anything close to this. He doesn’t comment yet, knowing that there’s more to the story, but his mind is racing to try and understand.

It’s sort of common knowledge that Isak left home at sixteen. Maybe this will explain that too.

“She wasn’t very well,” Isak finally continues. “Like, in her head. She had all these delusions and stuff, thought that people were after her. She gets help now, and stuff, but…” it seems difficult for Isak to continue, and Even tries to give a reassuring smile, although maybe it comes out a little more shaky than he’d hope.

Isak takes a deep breath. “When I was little, and she performed magic, it was fucking terrifying. She’d make it so that we - me and dad - could see what she did, that we were in hell, that there was someone coming to get us. Sometimes she’d make more illusions to “scare the bad guys away.” she’d make it seem like the house was on fire, or that there were traps everywhere. I didn’t feel very safe in my own house.”

“Shit,” Even breathes out in awe. How could he be this selfish? After all Isak has had to deal with before?  Staying around, trying to change Isak’s views on magic, simply because he wants to be around Isak? Sooner or later he might have taken it even further - performed magic around Isak. He doesn’t know what that could have done.

Isak looks up at him, and Even doesn’t miss the tears shining at the corner of his eyes. “Yeah,” he tries to shrug it off. “It fucking sucked. So when I say I hate magic - I mean, I’m fucking terrified of it. But you can’t really go around telling people that without them thinking you're some kind of loser.”

“I don’t think you’re a loser,” Even says. “You’re - you’re-“ _so fucking strong_ , he wants to say. _Incredible. Beautiful._ “You’re great,” he tries weakly.

“Thanks,” Isak says, sounding like he doesn’t believe Even at all. “Even though I ran the fuck away like my dad did and left my mum to deal with everything by herself like a dick.”

“That wasn’t your fault,” Even says.

“Wasn’t it?” Isak counters. “Because the night I left i could hear her using the magic to hurt herself, and it wasn’t the first time. She used to tell me it’s ‘what god would have wanted’ and stuff. She could have died, and I just fucked off,” he spits out his last few words, letting out a shaky gasp after, and sniffing before he wipes a hand under his eye. “God fucking damn it,” he mutters.

Even moves to him, reaching out an arm to wrap around his shoulders and pull him in close, all the while thinking that actually, he’s doing more harm than good. But Isak needs this right now, and there’s no one else around for it. Even will be there until there’s someone better. After that, after Isak is okay again, it’s probably best if Even stays away.

Isak leans into him, buried his face in Even’s neck, and it doesn’t take a minute before Even can feel him start to sob. He brings his other arm to hold Isak tighter, and tries to breathe words of comfort into him.

It takes a few minutes, but Isak’s breathing slows to a steadier pace, and his grip on Even loosens. He pulls back from Even and looks at the clock. “I should,” he says, wiping a hand down his face. “I should probably go to bed.” Even nods.

“Yeah, of course. I’ll get going, I just-“

“Can you stay?” Isak asks, his voice suddenly quiet and nervous, like he thinks Even could refuse him that; against any of his better judgement, Even will stay as long as Isak needs. “I just - don’t really want to be alone right now.”

“Of course,” Even says. “I’ll stay as long as you want me to.”

“Thanks,” says Isak, and leads him towards his bedroom.

Part of Even still gets excited at this, going to Isak’s bedroom, even though if it couldn’t have meant anything before, it definitely can’t now. Maybe he should refuse to stay, but he can’t help but allow himself this one last thing, one last thing that Isak needs from him.

Isak lends him sweatpants and a shirt to sleep in, and when he returns from the bathroom from putting them on, Isak has already crawled under the sheets with his back to Even, although he’s still awake. Hesitantly, Even lifts the side of the covers behind Isak, and slides in beside him, carefully keeping the distance between them and laying on his back to stare at the ceiling, until Isak speaks up again, voice barely a whisper, as if he’s afraid to ask what he does.

“Can you-“ he swallows, and tries again. “Can you come closer?”

Even can’t help but break a little at the vulnerability in Isak’s voice, and he turns towards Isak immediately, wrapping his arms around his waist without sparing it a second thought.

“Thanks,” mutters Isak, and his breathing seems to come easier now. “G’night, Even.”

“Night, Isak,” Even replies.

He watches as Isak settles into a deep sleep in front of him, and tells himself he won’t let himself cry in Isak’s bed. No, he’ll save that for later. But if this really is the last time he’ll let himself see Isak, then he’ll make the most of it. Though he can’t see his face, he memorises all he can about Isak; the way his body feels in Even’s arms, the slight tickle of his curls against Evens nose, the steady up and down of his breathing.

He recounts all the times they’ve had together, from the day Even first saw him across a room, laughing at something one of his friends must have said. Even had made it his mission right then to see more of that laugh, even when he didn’t know the name of who it belonged to. He remembers finding out that Isak knew Sana, and trying to find any excuse to make her introduce them. He remembers when it finally happened, how he had stumbled and tripped over his words and made a fool of himself, but Isak had smiled at him anyway, melted away all of his nerves and made him so calm. And in the months since then, when they’d grown closer, through at first just meeting each other by accident, turning up at the same events or being in the library at the same time, then through Isak agreeing to help him study - although more often than not that turns into the two of them just hanging out, getting coffee and talking about nothing in particular.

Even remembers the day he discovered his magic - the day he realised he’d really fallen. Isak had texted him, sent him some stupid meme and said “this reminded me of you,” and the subsequent flip that his stomach did caused him to temporarily fill his bedroom with colourful flowes, complete with butterflies flitting around the ceiling.

He lets himself get lost in the memories, to bask in the joy that they bring him - that _Isak_ brings him, and wonders if he could bring himself to be selfish enough to stay. He doesn’t want to lose Isak.

But he knows leaving is the right thing to do. It’s not fair to stay around Isak anymore. And it’s easier to leave without saying goodbye, so when the first light of dawn shows itself through the window, Even untangles himself from Isak, changes his clothes back to the ones he wore the night before, and leaves Isak’s neatly folded with a note on them, a stupid drawing of himself saluting and the words “ _had to go, hope you feel better xx_ ”

He lets himself out of Isak’s apartment, and leaves, trying not to let himself look back.

 

*

 

Isak doesn’t let him go easily. Or - Even can’t forget about him, at least. It’s not like Isak bothers him, save for the single text asking if Even wants to study soon. When it goes ignored, Isak seems to give up immediately. It helps, in a way, that Isak finds it so easy to let go. It means there really was nothing there, to lose, only Even’s imagination, and he still has that. Still has the memories, too.

Though maybe knowing how it felt to hold Isak for one night doesn’t help. He can’t help himself from wanting more. It should be easy to let him go with the knowledge that Isak will be safer, and happier without him. Especially as he throws himself back into trying to perfect the healing potion that still refuses to work the way Even needs it to.

The first few days, he shuts himself away into his apartment. Doesn’t go to lectures, doesn’t go to parties, doesn’t see friends. He throws himself back into working on the potion that he can’t get right, trying to practice enough that he can make progress on it, only the more he practices, the worse it seems to get. Where before he could get to at least step seven before falling short, he doesn’t even seem to be able to make it to the consistency required at step two.

Everything’s a huge fucking mess, and Even just wants to curl into a ball and sleep through the winter like a bear.

It only takes a few days for his friends to turn up on his doorstep. They’re getting good at that sort of thing, noticing when Even is getting too far into his head, when he stops replying to texts and leaving the house, and they’re always there to pull him out of it, or stay with him through it. He loves that about them - at least, when it’s not happening. While it is happening he kind of just wishes they’d leave him to wallow - until it’s over and he realises how much he really needed them there.

On the fifth day after he left Isak’s house without saying goodbye, Mikael and Elias turn up on his doorstep, and refuse to leave until he lets them in.

His apartment’s a mess. Especially the kitchen. Every single failed attempt at a healing potion is laid out for the entire world to see, in varying states of newly made or drying out or some even congealing in the pan, and he can’t bring himself to tidy it away, or care that Elias doesn’t actually know he’s magic yet.

But Elias kicks his shoes off at the door, takes one step into the kitchen, and ducks straight back out again, wincing.

“If you’re gonna start fucking potion making, the least you could do is clean up after yourself.”

Even looks at him blankly. “You’re not - surprised?”

Elias simply raises an eyebrow. He’s getting better at that than Even is, and it’s infuriating.

Even looks to Mikael. “You said you wouldn’t tell anyone,” he accuses, and Mikael takes a small step backwards.

“Elias isn’t ‘anyone,’” he protests weakly. “And anyway, the rule is no secrets from the boys.”

Elias claps a hand down onto Mikaels shoulder and turns to Even. “See? He’s a good friend. Now spill,” he demands. “What’s going on with you?”

“Nothing,” scowls Even, knowing full well that Elias will know he’s lying before the words are even out of his mouth. He can almost predict Elias’s exact reply.

“Yeah, right, nothing's wrong, you’re completely fine, etc etc, except you’re not. So what’s gonna happen is that you’re gonna have a shower while me and Mik try to sort this mess, and then we’re going out for coffee and you’re going to tell us everything, deal?”

Even stays silent for a second. “Deal,” he mumbles, eventually.

“What? I can’t hear you,” Elias replies.

“Deal, Jesus,” Even concedes. “Whatever.” He turns away toward the bathroom before he can see the victorious high five that Mikael and Elias give each other, but he knows it’s going to happen even before he hears it.

Even is often in awe at his friends ability to make him stand up a little taller on bad days, get out a little more, look up at the world instead of down at the ground. And though this isn’t a bad day with no reason like it is sometimes, it’s still nice to be able to feel a little lighter.

He can’t bring himself to order the ridiculous amounts of syrups that he usually gets in coffee, or ask for it exactly how he likes it, but after they order, and sit at a table towards the back of the cafe, Mikael takes one look at Even’s drink and carries it back to the counter for him, where Even can hear him ask for them to alter it to suit him more. He really does love his friends.

Finally, though, they’re all three settled with coffees at a table, and Elias fixes him with a stare like he’s interviewing him, only he doesn’t start with a demand to know what’s going on. Instead, he starts with a statement that makes Even freeze as if he’s been caught.

“Sana told me Isak was asking about you,” Elias says. “She said he seemed worried.”

‘No secrets from the boys’ of course means they all know how Even feels about Isak. What they don’t know, and keep asking him about, is why exactly he hasn’t just asked him out yet, although Even isn’t sure that it’s his place to explain it.

After a few too many beats of silence from Even, Elias continues.

“Is that what this is about? Did something happen?”

Even stays silent, unable to do much more than shrug, until Elias and Mikael’s responding silence prompts him to speak, his voice barely a whisper.

“He doesn’t like magic.”

One glance up at the other two tells him that their reactions are exactly as he expected them. Mikael seems saddened by the news, while Elias, unbothered, raises an eyebrow.

“Is that such a problem? Persuade him that it’s not all bad! What happened to the Even charm?”

Even gives an unconvinced half-laugh. “No, I mean, he _hates_ magic. He’d hate _me_ if he knew. He - it’s better like this.”

“Like what?” is Elias’s reply, leading Even to realise that he hasn’t yet explained that he’s cutting ties.

“Like, if I stay away from him.”

“Bro,” Elias sounds like he’s going to try and talk Even out of it, which isn’t happening.

“Look, you wouldn’t get it, okay?” Even replies harshly. “It’s not simple. He’s - I’d rather stay away than have him hate me for my magic. I’m doing what’s best for him and for me and it’s none of your business.” He never usually gets this angry at one of his best friends. “Thanks for the coffee,” he adds as an afterthought. “I’ll see you guys later.”

He stands, and turns away, pushing the chair slightly in his anger - then, on a ridiculous impulse, vanishes the chair entirely.

He’s out of the shop before Mikael catches up with him, Elias nowhere to be seen.

“Bro, the manager is going to be _pissed_. There’s a sign in that shop that says _No Magic Allowed_ ,” he seems to be rather enjoying himself, but calms when Even fixes him with a glare. “Okay, okay, sorry. Jeez.”

He matches Even’s fast pace in silence for a while, simply following along as Even leads his way back home, and he seems as deep in thought as Even is trying not to be.

“Look, you can’t just let it be over with Isak like that,” Mikael says just as they reach Evens door. “You really like him. You’re good friends if nothing else, even though we both know there’s a lot else. You can’t just abandon him for no reason.”

Even takes a deep breath to stop more anger spilling out in his reply. “You don’t know the whole story. It’s not just about anyone doing magic, it’s _me_ doing magic. It’s dangerous when I can’t control my emotions.”

Mikael folds his arms and tilts his head at Even.

“So, what, you’re going to stop magic?”

“I can’t just stop magic!” Even replies, knowing that Mikael knew that. “But I can't - not around him. We already knew it wasn’t fucking safe and he knows it more than anyone.”

“Bullshit!” protests Mikael. “There are hundreds of witches in history with mental illnesses. We already went through that when you first realised you could do magic! You’re not a danger, Even. It’s everyone else’s beliefs that are dangerous, and you have a way to change that!”

Even sighs. Any other day and he’d have jumped at the chance to prove people wrong about him and other witches. He almost crumbles at Mikael’s words, too, remembering the day that Mikael had sat with him in the library for hours after Even had found he was a witch, researching all the ways to control emotional energy, finding out how bad can it really get, and how difficult (or easy) it is to stop it from becoming dangerous.

“I’ll prove them wrong, Mik,” Even says, repeating his words from back then. “I will. Just not Isak.”

With that, he steps inside his building, and shuts the door behind him.

 

*

 

Elias and Mikael have done such a good job of cleaning his kitchen of all the mess of his attempts at healing potion that he can’t find the motivation to get everything back out, and with no distraction, his mind turns to Isak.

Five days shouldn’t be enough time to start missing someone who’s just a friend, but Even has been so deep in his head for those days that time has been moving sluggishly, and it might as well have been years.

He thinks back to what Mikael said about changing his mind, and wishes so badly that he could. That it wouldn’t hurt Isak to see him perform magic, and that he could one day learn to appreciate it. But all that comes to his mind when he imagines this is just how terrified Isak has been to see magic in front of him. Even could never bring himself to put Isak through that again.

That night, as he lies in bed, all he thinks about is Isak in his arms. Everything he memorised about him on that day, everything he needs to keep him from losing him completely.

Memories are never enough, even combined with wishes. The strongest magic couldn’t make this come true.

Even simply wraps his arms around a pillow, and tries to pretend.

Morning comes, and it’s no easier in the daylight to get the wishes out of his head, but it is easier to think about what Mikael said. It’s easier to find the resolve to text Mikael, and ask him to meet at the library.

Mikael is as eager as Even knew he would be, even with the warning he gives as a greeting.

“This doesn’t mean I’m going to be able to change his mind, okay? Or even that I’ll end up trying. I just want more information.”

“Okay,” Mikael agrees, but he’s grinning like he’s already won.

It takes Mikael a lot less time than Even expected to find the exact book they need, entitled “ _The Danger Of Emotions: Why The Modern World Doesn’t Trust Magic_ ” and when Mikael places it in front of him, Even gives him a curious look.

“How many times have you read that?” he asks, and Mikael immediately gives him the answer with a guilty expression.

“Not that many,” he replies, and opens the book to the exact chapter that Even wanted to read. Even shakes his head but doesn’t say more.

The chapter he needs is all about mood disorders and their interaction with magic.

_Certain emotions produce stronger magic than others. As magic is an evolutionary defence mechanism, fear produces the strongest magical abilities. Therefore, those with anxiety and anxiety related disorders can produce the most damaging magic, if left uncontrolled._

_However it is unreasonable to expect people with disorders like this shouldn’t perform magic. In fact, to stop performing magic when one has discovered the ability within oneself can do more harm than good. Magic, similar to tears, can cause brain chemicals to rebalance themselves, and a buildup of magic within the body can cause prolonged periods of instability and inability to control outbursts of magic._

Even thinks of Isak’s mother, and worries. If she knows of her sons fear, perhaps she’s tried again to stop herself performing magic. Suddenly it feels far more important to change Isak’s mind about magic. He reads on.

_Although emotions are notoriously difficult to control, controlling the results of them takes only a little practice. After all, emotional energy is the fuel for the magic, but choice and intention are the main dictators of what the magic will do._

_Though there is some controversy of whether people with a mental illness are more dangerous when they have magical abilities, the truth of the matter is that when they get the correct help and are self aware about their own disorders, they are no more dangerous than anyone with magical abilities - which is to say, on the whole, not very._

 

*

 

He goes back to classes the next week, without a plan of how to change Isak’s mind, but with a desperate need to see him again anyway.

Isak gives him a wary smile as he slides into the seat beside him.

“You okay?” he says gently, and Even tries to smile back.

“Yeah. Sorry for disappearing. There was just some stuff.”

Isak shrugs. “It’s alright. I know you have to - take time for yourself sometimes. And I’m sorry - if it was my fault or something.”

Even snaps his head round to look at Isak in alarm. “What do you mean?”

“I mean. if I made you uncomfortable last friday - or overstepped my boundaries or something. I didn’t - I wasn’t really thinking clearly so - I’m sorry. “

“You don’t need to apologise at all,” Even says, breathing a sigh of relief that Isak doesn’t seem to know anything. “If I helped at all then that’s what matters.”

Isak relaxes next to him and smiles shyly. “You did.”

 

*

 

That night, he climbs up Isak’s fire escape, and conjures up a flower to place on Isak’s windowsill. A yellow tulip, not because he knows what it means - he doesn’t think Isak would care to look up flower language either - but just because it seems like a nice flower. Nothing too loud, or romantic. Just a simple flower. A simple hello. _Hello, it’s winter. This is a flower. Don’t be afraid._

There’s no way of asking Isak what he thought of it without giving away that he was behind it, so it’s really just luck when he overhears Isak discussing a secret admirer with Sana.

“Flowers in full bloom don’t just appear on your windowsill in the middle of winter by _accident_ , Isak,” Sana is telling him. “Use your brain, if you have one.”

“I have one,” protests Isak, and Even is so endeared by the outrage in his voice that he has to stop for a moment, and just watch. “I’m just saying, they probably got the wrong window. And I feel bad for whoever it was because they clearly went to the effort of going to a flower shop.”

Even almost gives himself away, so loud is the sigh he lets out at this. Of course Isak would rather think it was from a flower shop than magic. He needs to do more than just leave a flower.

But he also wants Isak to know that it was definitely for him. That he deserves flowers on his windowsill, and no one got the wrong one.

He wonders if Isak would know enough about flowers to know if one was the wrong colour, but dismisses that thought quickly. The only flower he can think to leave that couldn’t be found in a flower shop is a dandelion, and something about that makes it feel like the right thing to do.

So that’s what he does, and spells out _For Isak_ in morning dew on the windowsill.

Now if only he knew how Isak felt about it.

 

*

 

Isak sits down beside Even the next day, with the flower tucked behind his ear.

Careful not to give himself away, Even raises a casual eyebrow and nods towards it. “What’s that for?” he asks.

Isak flushes slightly, and removes the flower, placing it on the table between them. “I need your help,” he says, instead of answering. Even gestures for him to continue. “Someone’s been leaving - flowers on my windowsill for the last two days. I thought it was just from a flower shop with the first one, but you can’t get dandelions from a flower shop.”

“Okay?” Even responds as if he doesn’t understand what Isak is saying.

“It’s the middle of winter, Even. You can’t get dandelions _anywhere_ at this time of year. Someone’s doing magic around me - for me, and I need it to stop.”

Even pulls a sympathetic face. “Are you okay?” he asks. “They didn’t hurt you, did they?”

“What? No, it’s just a flower, I think. I mean it’s - it’s nice, but I don’t want that around me.”

“Which is why you put it behind your ear,” Even finishes for him, slightly smug, although he doesn’t let it show on his face.

“I didn’t want to squash it in my bag,” Isak protests, and Even just looks at him, finding it more and more difficult to keep himself from smiling. “But that’s not - I don’t-” Isak falters for a moment “-I just needed to remember to ask you about it. Because you and Jonas are the only people who know - about my mum, and Jonas won’t help me.”

“Why not?”

Isak sighs loudly. “I don’t fucking know! He thinks I’m overreacting or something!”

“Well,” Even replies carefully. “You’re allowed to be scared, Isak.” It’s the most truthful thing he’s said since Isak sat down, and he means it. He’s not doing this because Isak shouldn’t be scared - he just wants him to see that fear isn’t all he should feel around magic. There’s beauty in it, too, and release, and so, so much happiness. So much of every emotion. He wants Isak to see that. He wants Isak to forgive his mother, to stop fearing her. To stop fearing magic - and, selfishly, to stop fearing Even.

“I’m not sc-” Isak starts, then seems to remember that he’s told Even everything, and deflates a little. “I just need your help.”

“With what?”

“Finding out who it is,” says Isak. “So I can - I don’t know - talk-”

“So you can hate them?” Even asks sharply, letting himself get caught up in the possibilities for a moment. Isak could hate him - maybe he would be right to hate him. Even is going behind his back, doing magic when he knows Isak doesn’t like it, and it’s selfish, even when he tells himself he’s doing it for Isak.

God, how would he live with Isak finding out who’s been doing magic? How would he live if Isak hated him, knowing that he’s a witch?

“I won’t hate them,” Isak protests weakly. “I just - I’m better off away from people like that.”

It takes everything Even has to stop himself from freezing right there. Maybe his whole plan is pointless. Maybe he should run again, and this time not let himself be dissuaded. Maybe Isak is better away from him. Especially when he loses control, like he did the first time he discovered he could do magic. Maybe he is too much.

Isak interrupts his thoughts. “So - will you help?”

Even answers, because he doesn’t know what else he can do to throw Isak off his track. “Sure,” he smiles cheerily at Isak. “Don’t know what I can do, though.”

“I-“ Isak says. “I hadn’t got that far. But you’re in?”

Even shrugs. “I guess I am.”

 

*

 

The next night, Even leaves a piece of glass that looks like it holds an oak tree inside it. The scene within changes with the daylight, and, if Even has done what he wanted, will change with the seasons too.

He doesn’t limit his magic to nighttime, either. When he sees Isak at the coffee shop with Sana the next day - but Isak doesn’t see him - he causes the foam on Isak’s drink to switch patterns, from the coffee bean that the barista drew to a smiley face. He watches as Isak pulls back slightly - then breathes a sigh of relief as Isak shrugs at Sana’s question of what’s wrong, and takes a sip of the drink anyway.

Isak consults him about it later, and Even sees the opportunity to have a little fun.

“So you were with Sana?” he asks.

“Yes.”

“And someone made your drink smile at you?”

“Yes, keep up.”

“And it had to be someone who was there?”

“I mean, I don’t know how magic works, but how else would they know to change my drink?”

“And you think it’s a secret admirer?”

“Well it is if its the same person who left _flowers_.”

“Okay. So… you were with Sana?” He waits for the implication sink in.

“I already told- wait, no. Absolutely not. It is _not_ Sana.” Isak looks scandalised.

“She was there, though,” Even says, as if he genuinely believes it could be her.

“Did you miss the part where I said _secret admirer_?”

Even tries to keep a straight face as he continues. “You know, it’s actually really common to have feelings for close friends. Like, take Eva and Vilde, before they got together.”

“But _Sana_? Do you even - I mean - we’re talking about the same Sana, right?”

Even nods, and pretends to be sad. “Yeah, poor girl, she’s probably really upset that you don’t notice her, you know?”

“She is _not_ -” Isak finally seems to notice Even’s barely contained laughter, and he relaxes immediately. “Fucking hell, you had me. I thought you genuinely thought it was Sana.”

Even grins. “I know magic exists, Isak, but there’s no magic that strong.”

“Jesus christ,” Isak looks down at his hands, and Even sees him smile that private Isak smile to himself, the one he only ever gives to the floor. It tugs on Even’s heart just a little, to see a moment that Isak doesn’t think he’ll notice.

Even begrudgingly brings him back after a moment of silence, a moment of letting himself look. “So, any other ideas of who it could be?” he asks.

Isak looks back up and frowns. “I don’t know. I mean, I guess it could be Julian. He made my drink. Fucking creepy if he knows where I live, though.”

Even shrugs, trying to keep his voice jealousy-free as he replies. “He has had a crush on you for a while, though.”

“Wh- no he hasn’t! Why does everyone think that?” Even raises an eyebrow, but Isak continues before he can tell Isak how oblivious he is. “Anyway, I can’t see Julian doing _magic_. I mean, have you seen him?”

“Plenty of people hide it, don’t they?” Even counters, aware that he’s in dangerous waters now. “I mean, you can’t really go around telling the world you can - I don’t know - shoot fireballs from your hands or something.”

Isak considers it for a moment. “I don’t know,” he says slowly, “I guess - yeah, but-“ he trails off, deep in thought. Even is on the verge of thinking maybe he’s gone too far, exposed himself. Maybe now is when Isak will turn around and tell him he’s worked it out, and that Even is a horrible friend. “Maybe it’s Emma,” Isak offers instead. “She’s still fucking obsessed with me.”

 _Phew_.

 

*

 

Isak never gets further than that with working out who it could be, at least not so far as he tells Even.

Even doesn’t stop being Isak’s “secret admirer,” either. He keeps putting thing on Isaks windowsill and conjures things up throughout his day. More flowers, here and there. A little floating gemstone. Some bubbles that never pop. He picks up a dropped pencil for Isak and levitates it right back onto his table at the library. Isak watches the first time it happens with wary eyes and hands at the edge of his desk ready to push the chair out as rapidly as needs be. The second time, he does nothing but watch. The third time, he gives a little smile when Even makes the pencil loop the loop in mid air.

The fourth time, he writes “Hi Isak,” in shaky writing, and watches as Isak lets out a quiet laugh.

He makes the mistake, the fifth time he lifts Isak’s pencil from the desk (he’s long since stopped waiting for Isak to drop it) of not making sure no one else is watching.

Even himself is behind the shelf in the library, watching Isak from between the books as he levitates the pencil, making it fly in front of Isak’s eyes to attract his attention - but he ends up attracting someone else as well.

“Oh my goodness!” Vilde exclaims as she rounds the corner to see the flying pencil. “Isak, can you do magic?”

She pulls out the chair opposite him eagerly and sits down, chin in her hands as she watches Isak excitedly.

Isak’s expression turns sour. “No. Have you seen anyone else around? I don’t know who’s doing it.”

Vilde pulls back, confused. “No…” she says. “Who would be doing magic for you without telling you?”

Isak huffs, and Even knows he won’t tell Vilde the whole story. “I don’t know! Someone who wants my attention or something. Are you sure you haven’t seen anyone?” he narrows his eyes. “Is it you?”

“Me? Isak, if I could do magic, do you think I would be in university? I’d be touring the world doing shows! Did you see the one at the club I took us to?”

Isak seems to be trying his best to keep his expression neutral, only he’s not very good at it. Vilde’s excitement fades.

“Did you not like it?” she asks, upset.

“No, it was - it was great!” Isak attempts a smile. “Really great. I’m just not in the mood right now.”

“But someone’s doing magic around you!” Vilde continues, excitement back and undeterred by Isak’s clear disinterest. “How cool is that?” She sighs as though drifting off into dreamland. “Magic is so beautiful. Did you know there was a group of witches in Sumatra who managed to revive an entire rainforest in place of palm oil plantations? They almost single handedly saved orangutans from extinction!”

Even notices Isak’s interest is piqued at this - his own interest, too. He didn’t know that Vilde was so into magic - or anything about the witches in Sumatra.

“There are also witches in Australia working on reviving the Great Barrier Reef, although the government seems to be pushing back pretty hard against them. It’s so ridiculous how much prejudice there is in the world, when magic is such a healing force.”

“There are some who would disagree with you there,” Isak says. “If someone doesn’t have control on it…” he trails off, then sighs. “Whatever. I’m really busy right now, Vilde. I have an assignment that i need to get done.”

Vilde swishes her long hair behind her shoulder haughtily. “You shouldn’t really talk about magic when you don’t know anything about it, Isak. What do you know about controlling magic? I hope whoever is doing magic for you realises you don’t deserve it.”

She stands, and Isak watches her leave without saying a word.

Even wants to believe that when Isak seems deep in thought after she’s gone, he’s really considering everything that she told him - except the last part. If there’s anyone who deserves magic, it’s Isak.

 

*

 

After that day in the library, Isak is no less concerned about finding out who’s behind it, but he seems less uncomfortable about it now. Less uncomfortable, but more eager to know who is doing it.

“I’ve got to catch them in the act,” he announces to Even without warning one afternoon, and Even tilts his head in confusion. “I was doing some research,” Isak explains, and Even cheers internally. “And the source of the magic can never be far from the result. So they must be coming to my window every night. If I can stay awake, and watch carefully, I’ll be able to find out who it is.”

Even nods, and suppresses a yawn. “Makes sense.”

“Will you-“ the next question Isak asks is hesitant suddenly. “Will you stay awake with me?”

Even is about to agree, but Isak backtracks quickly.

“Sorry, that was a stupid idea, I know you have to sleep, I’ll just-“

“You and your fucking research,” Even shakes his head at Isak. “I’ll stay awake with you.”

“You will?”

Even nods.

 

*

 

“So -  what will you say to them?” Even asks that evening. He’s sitting at Isak’s kitchen table, and reminded of the time a few weeks ago, of Isak being so scared of magic, trembling with fear as he explained everything to Even. “When you find out who it is?” He’s starting to think maybe he could use this night not to throw Isak off track, but to explain everything. Isak seems so much calmer now, so much less angry. So much less scared. “Will you just ask them to back off?”

Isak sighs. “I don’t know,” he says. “I’m not sure I - I guess it depends who it is.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, if it’s Emma…” Isak trails off, leaving the implication obvious in the silence, and laughs. “But I don’t really think it’s her. I just mean - I want to know why they’re doing it, and like, if they’re leaving flowers because they like me, I might have to tell them I don’t feel the same.”

Even hums, and tries to steer his brain away from thinking about this possibility. _That’s not what’s important_ , he tells himself. “But you won’t tell them to leave you alone?”

Isak is silent for a minute. “I don’t think so,” he says slowly, unsurely. “I think I’d - I’d want to thank them. I’m not really - scared, anymore.”

It’s the confirmation that Even needed to know that he hadn’t just been making this up because he wanted to believe it. Isak really is braver, now - and if Isak can be brave, so can Even.

He allows himself to smile, and Isak seems to find the encouragement to continue.

“And I was in the library the other day.” Even’s grin widens, teasing, and Isak shoves him lightly, but continues. “And I found this book - well, I don’t know, it sort of just appeared on the table in front of me. I wasn’t really looking, so I guess anyone could have put it there. It was about magic and - and mental illness.”

Even makes a mental note to - shout at Mikael? Hug him? Something, anyway.

“It just made me realise I’ve been kind of a dick,” Isak says. “I mean, I was scared, I guess, but I know I don’t really need to be.”

Even doesn’t know what to say to this. He’s almost glowing with the warmth he feels at Isak’s words, but it’s not the right time to reveal himself yet. He simply lets the silence, filled with small smiles, linger on, until he thinks of something else to say.

“How are we going to catch them?”

“Uh,” Isak says. “Well, it’s kind of - a rough idea but I think whoever it is must be using the fire escape to get close enough. Either that or they’re inside the building, but they wouldn’t be able to see my window, so… I guess we just watch the fire escape?”

Even nods. “Sounds like a plan.”

“It’s a shit plan,” Isak corrects. “Fuck, I’m sorry, you don’t have to do this.”

“I’m here, aren’t I? Might as well help. And for all we know it could work. Sometimes the most simple plans are the most effective.”

Of course, they won’t see anything by watching the fire escape - but Even feels pretty certain now, feels brave enough to say that Isak will find out who’s behind it, one way or another.

The night isn’t uneventful - not full of excitement, like Even wonders if Isak wants it to be, but it’s more fun than Even expected. They sit in Isak’s room, with cups of coffee clutched in cold hands, and they just talk. Isak’s eyes are on the window most of the time, But he still holds conversation with Even, an easy flow of words between them, words that make Even fall harder even with their lack of meaning.

As dawn comes near, he sees Isak get more restless, and Even knows he has to act sooner rather than later. He pretends to fall asleep, wondering if Isak will try and wake him when he notices, but Isak doesn’t.

He waits a few minutes, then, when he hears Isak’s frustrated huff that tells him it’s time to make something happen, he turns the ceiling into a galaxy.

He opens one eye just a fraction to see the effect it has, and even though it’s his creation, he doesn’t want to close his eyes again.

The ceiling is swirling with blue and purple clouds, and littered with specks of light. It’s a picture that Even saw on the internet, but he’s making it move, and its entrancing, and beautiful, and he wasn’t aware he was capable of making it look that good.

And then he looks for Isak’s reaction, and who cares about the ceiling any more? When the expression on Isak’s face is one of pure wonder, gazing upwards with eyes wide - only they aren’t wide with fear. They’re wide with awe, and the corners of his mouth are twitching upwards and he lets out a laugh of amazement.

Minutes pass as Even watches Isak like this - forever could pass and Even would still be watching.

But Isak seems to be remembering that he was meant to be finding out whoever was behind this, and he turns to Even, who shuts his eyes just a fraction of a second too late.

“Even?” Isak says quietly, and suddenly Even is terrified of what’s about to happen, and too caught up in the moment to focus on the galaxy anymore. It flickers, and fades, and he opens his eyes to see Isak looking at him with an unreadable expression.

There’s silence as their eyes meet, until Isak breaks it.

“I should be so fucking mad at you,” he says, but he’s starting to smile.

“Should be?” Even asks in a small voice. “Not ‘am’?”

“For some reason, no,” Isak replies. “I - you better have a good explanation, though.”

“For not telling you I could do magic when you hated it?”

“I mean,” Isak sighs. “Why wouldn’t you tell me earlier? Like, yesterday? I told you I wouldn’t hate whoever it was.”

Even gives a guilty smile. “Would have ruined the fun, though, wouldn’t it?”

“It-“ Isak pauses for a moment, and gestures upwards. “It _was_ beautiful.”

“Thanks,” Even doesn’t know why, but suddenly he can’t meet Isak’s eyes any more - too busy hiding the slight blush that spreads across his cheeks.

“But why did you - why stick around when all I said was awful things about magic?”

“I didn’t know I could do magic until after - until I met you.”

“But then why stick around?”

Even thinks back through weeks and months of agonising, back to the first time he discovered his magic, because of Isak, and his first rational thought after that being ‘ _what would Isak think of me?_ ’ Isak probably hadn’t noticed that he _had_ drawn back after that - but then found he couldn’t stay away. Then, he thinks back to the club. Back to fooling himself that he could stay away that time, too.

The only answer he gives Isak is “you haven’t worked it out yet?”

“I - how would I - what?”

“I wanted to help change your mind,” Even explains. “That, and, well,” he takes a deep breath. “You’re pretty hard to keep away from.”

He smiles softly at Isak, who seems incapable of replying. Maybe Even’s come on too strong.

“Anyway, I should probably get going.”

Isak probably needs space to process this. Work out if they can still be friends. God, Even hopes they can still be friends. He starts to stand, turning to the door.

“No - wait,” Isak finds his voice, and stands too. “I need to - I said I would thank you.”

Even turns back.

“Thank you,” Isak says. “For everything. I - it’s incredible, what you can do.”

“Any time,” replies Even, with his heart feeling fuller than he ever remembers it feeling.

“Can I ask,” Isak says hesitantly. “If all magic comes from emotion - what emotion did you use to make the ceiling do that?”

“What, this?” Even asks, as he casts the spell again, making Isak look up in wonder. He confesses the truth while Isak isn’t looking at him. “It’s mostly butterflies.”

“Butterflies?” Isak asks, looking back down at Even, and the wonder on his face doesn’t fade. He must know what Even means.

“You know, butterflies in the stomach,” Even clarifies anyway. “The feeling you get when you really like someone.”

“I thought that was what you get when you’re nervous,” Isak says, teasing.

“Isn’t it the same thing?”

Isak nods. “Probably.”

There’s silence as Isak looks back up to the ceiling, then back at Even, and then says “I can’t decide what I want to look at more.”

Even lets Isak’s words sink in for a moment, but then can’t resist teasing a little.

“I thought you said,” Even starts, suppressing a grin. “That you would have to tell whoever was doing the magic that you didn’t feel the same way?”

The thing is, this should feel dangerous. He should be scared out of his mind right now, he should be running. But the thing is, it doesn’t feel dangerous. He isn’t scared. He doesn’t want to run. And if Isak does tell him that - Even thinks it’ll be okay.

“I said I _might_ ,” says Isak, smiling. “But I don’t think I actually have to say anything like that.”

“No?”

Isak shakes his head. “Well, it depends who the butterflies were for.”

Even takes a shaky step forward. “I think you know the answer to that.”

“And I think you know the answer to what I want to look at more,” replies Isak.

Even takes another step forward, braver, this time, but still hesitant. He’s close enough now, though, that Isak can reach out and take his hand, pull him the last few inches so that they’re in each other’s space, and Even’s heart is racing, and the butterflies in his stomach are flying faster than light itself.

Their eyes meet. Even can’t stop his lips from twitching up into a smile, a smile that just keeps growing until he’s almost hurting from how wide it is, how much he can’t help himself from grinning at Isak.

“I’m-” Even tries to think of something to say. “There’s so many fucking butterflies.”

Isak laughs. “I know how you feel.”

Even lifts his hand up between them, and conjures one up to sit in his palm, wings fluttering gently, patterned like the galaxy that’s still floating above their heads.

Isak reaches out to touch it gently, whispering an awed “woah” as he does. He looks back up to Even, meeting his eyes again. “This is - you’re so fucking incredible. I’m sorry I didn’t see it before.”

The butterfly takes off, flying up into the room, circling around their heads once and then becoming a part of the galaxy. Even doesn’t know what to reply to Isak, doesn’t know if there are enough words in the world to say how he feels right now.

“I can’t keep this up much longer,” he says, changing the subject instead as he notices how tired he’s getting from projecting the galaxy. “But I’d really like to kiss you underneath it.”

“You can do that.”

“I can?”

“You can.”

That’s all the encouragement he needs to lean forward, close the distance between them, and take one last look up at the stars before he closes his eyes, and lets himself melt into the galaxy of Isak’s lips.

 

*

 

Isak sits on the stool in Even’s kitchen with a potion book on his knee. It’s a sight that Even can’t get enough of, Isak, in his home, so comfortable around magic, and around Even.

“Look,” Isak says, as he watches Even’s second attempt at the healing potion. “You don’t have to be doing magic the whole way through. That’s what you’re doing wrong.”

“It’s a _magic_ potion, Isak,” Even says.

Isak huffs. “Yeah, but you’re getting too excited about the magic part. Most of this is just chemistry.”

“No, why would it be chemistry?” Even argues. “It’s _magic.”_

“So you keep saying,” replies Isak, standing and moving over to Even. “But seriously, it’s a chemical reaction. You’re using magic to help break and reform the bonds in the molecules for the reaction to occur, but that’s all you need magic for.”

“I have no idea what you’re trying to say,” Even says, and Isak rolls his eyes.

“I’m saying,” he says, “that the most important part of this is using the right amount of the right ingredients and putting them in at the right time. You only need magic at,” he looks at the book. “Steps 2, 5, and 11, and that’s it.”

Even looks at the book, and doesn’t want to admit that, actually, Isak might be right. Up until now, he’s been sending a constant flow of energy to the potion, trying to get it to work, but maybe Isak has a point. He frowns, and glances up to see Isak grinning at him.

“You’re being stubborn again, aren’t you?” Isak teases, moving forward into Even’s space.

“No,” mumbles Even, trying (and failing) not to melt as Isak gets closer and kisses the scowl away.

“Look, try again,” says Isak, lifting the pan and placing it in the sink. “I’ll help you this time.”

“But you can’t-”

“Shut up,” says Isak. “Just start the damn potion. I promise you it’ll work this time.”

Even does as he’s told, but when he gets further on in the potion than he ever has before, finding that it finally turns the pinkish red colour that he’s never seen before, he scowls again.

“I don’t want it to work anymore,” he tells Isak, half joking. “You’ll hold it over me for the rest of our lives.”

“The rest of our lives?” Isak says, smiling. “That long?”

“Of course,” Even replies, smiling too, now. “Scientists are always assholes about this sort of thing.”

“Well, your magic wouldn’t work without us.”

“Your science wouldn’t work without magic,” Even counters, and Isak seems to consider this for a moment.

“Guess we need each other, then,” he says, his voice softened as he pulls Even closer towards him.

“Yeah,” Even replies. “I guess we do.”

**Author's Note:**

> ok so cw there is a tiny mention of isak's mum's illness and self harm in the second scene
> 
> thank you so so much for reading!!! i would really appreciate feedback it would make me super duper happy!!!!!!  
> find me on tumblr @[evenshands](http://evenshands.tumblr.com)  
> love always xxx


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